Trailblazers and Tuna Fish.

I like to think of my grandmother as a trailblazer. Not the western kind, but the kind who was different, just for the sheer joy of it. She liked to push buttons, hit your insides when you were least expecting it. You needed to be armored to "hang" with her. The kind of person who you have to let down all your insecurities to be around; you had to be able to sit there and laugh at yourself and your downfalls. She loved to laugh, and she loved to laugh at herself, and I think that makes a person stronger, and I think she knew that too. To not be able to laugh at yourself is to stay prisoner to your insecurities, and she was definitely not insecure.

I say this with love, because she is the one who passed down the maybe-not-so-witty-but-may-hurt-you-where-you-aren't-ready-for-it kind of humor. My mom got it from her. The kind of honest humor that kicks you in the butt, but you love it because its not only honest and genuine, but also usually filled with some line of truth. She never neglected to tell me if I looked terrible, but on the other hand she always loved to tell me when I looked fantastic, which over the years I learned how much that honesty really meant to me, and how I would carry on that same sense of self.

The first vivid memory of talking to my gma was over the phone, and I am pretty sure I was ten, and she was definitely telling me more than one too old for my age kind of stories, which of course, at the time I was taken a back by.  Over the years, our visits were often, usually involving me bringing two very hot cups of coffee to her apartment just to have girl chat. She knew everyone and always had an opinion of who to date, who not to date, who my mother dated, etc. It was engaging and rewarding to have such a colorful person around.

To say the least, my grandma was not like any other grandparents. She never had homemade cookies baking or her hair in curlers, but what she always did give was an amazing amount of love. She was genuine, strong, spiritual, and full of personality.  She adored people for who they are, the good and the bad.  She would make friends with the local 20.something.year.old baristas and introduce them to you as if they were the best of friends, touting their positive attributes to you. She could gauge your creativity, or lack there of, and was always encouraging. We would take her out in public and she would always promote you whenever she got the chance which is a quality I absolutely loved and hated simultaneously.

I am so thankful to have had a relationship with such an amazing woman who I will never be able to say enough about.  To put her in just one page is not enough to fully encompass who she was or who she will remain to be in my heart. I am thankful that I got to know her, and that she was in my life. 

The last time I saw her, I brought her a tuna sandwich. I got tuna, because I love tuna fish sandwiches. One of the things I learned in that visit is that they are her favorite, and I chuckled to myself upon learning that, because I always wondered where I got it from.

So as a memorial to one of the most interesting people I will ever know,
I would like to offer you a tuna panini.
a colorful tuna sandwich.

Tuna Panini
If you are anything like my grandmother, you would insist this be served with a bag of potato chips.
  two slices of any bread
1 TB whole grain mustard
1 TB capers
handful of spinach
olive oil
1 small can tuna packed in olive oil
1 slice of cheese
salt and pepper

Turn on grill pan.

Slather one piece of bread with mustard on one side and drizzle olive oil on the other side.
Place bread down with olive oil side down.

Drain tuna of most of the olive oil, but keep enough to keep the tuna moist, and mix with the capers,
then top the mustard slice with the tuna. salt and pepper tuna.

Place the spinach on top of the tuna, then the cheese on top of that.

Press down with remaining slice of bread, then place on grill.

Drizzle top piece with olive oil, then press down with the grill press for about
2 minutes or until the cheese begins to melt.

Flip sandwich, and grill for another 2 minutes, then pull off of grill.

Cut in half and enjoy.